Article: Do you truly listen?

taraburner · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 667 Location: Pembroke Pines, FL

Do You Truly Listen?
By Tara Burner

Women, by nature, are good conversationalists. We like to talk. We make good sounding boards. We even have some wonderful contributions to make. But do we truly listen?

Oh most can hear just fine; however hearing and listening differ greatly. Specifically I'm referring to listening to feedback. The term "constructive criticism" is somewhat of an oxymoron. To criticize is to criticize is to criticize. It doesn't matter if you try to frame it around the word "constructive". No one likes to be criticized.

However, if someone is offering feedback, do you truly listen? Are you able to truly listen? Or do you have obstacles that won't allow you to consider the feedback? Let's be honest – some people bug us. Sometimes we meet other women, whether online or off, that we just don't mesh with. That's ok because we are all unique individuals and don't need to be friend with all.

Yet you are doing yourself and your business a disservice if you don't listen to feedback from everyone. Some of these same people, whom you aren't particularly fond of, for whatever reason, are the same ones who have valuable knowledge, skills and abilities and are willing to take time to talk to you in the spirit of continuous improvement. If someone is offering feedback, you should truly listen.

You certainly don't always have to accept the feedback but at least try it on. Here's a classic WWYD example:

You visit the webpage of someone you may want to do business with. You're either searching for a provider or someone may have recommended her to you. Once there you immediately see that her website is substandard for a business person. It looks homemade and amateurish. Yet some of the credentials you've heard about or possibly read sound good. Still her website leaves much to be desired.

WWYD:
A – Leave immediately, if someone doesn't care enough about her professional image, how can you be sure she takes her business seriously? If she has a B-rate looking website, does her product or service also reflect the same B-rate?

B- Not leave immediately, but proceed with extreme caution.

C – Ah who cares, it's just a website. Besides, her friend designed it. She's still a good business person – or so I've heard.

That was from the customer viewpoint. Now let's look at it from the business end. Three scenarios are likely here:

A – The person is not aware that her website is potentially costing her business. No one has even said anything about it. Although, it's difficult to calculate the cost of unknown business lost.

B – Someone or more than one, has mentioned that she ought to change the look of her website to give it a more professional appearance (Omit the amateur looking all centered text, change fonts, fu-fu graphics, etc.) yet because she knows and likes her web designer (or she, herself may have made the site) she absolutely refuses to listen.

C – She claims she has more business than she could ever want; she's received many compliments; the web sight is great; the designer is wonderful; and she can assure you it is not costing her any business whatsoever. This is a case of "thee protests too much" - Very defensive and refusal to listen.

What if you were to listen to all communication with absolutely no preconceived notions? Sometimes we tend to blow off people whom we've deemed as non credible. Or we all have the chatty Cathy's in our lives who just seem to go on and on and on and never stop talking. Do you truly listen to those people?

Try it. Try listening to every word, be it written or verbal that comes your way with an objective ear. Just be present to what message is being sent. Then objectively take what you like and discard the rest.

As a business owner, if you are only hearing, and not truly listening you must be independently wealthy and don't really need to work, because you're either losing customers or losing the potential to be even bigger and better than you already are.

Stop hearing people and start listening.

About the Author: Tara Burner has been a home based business owner for 18 years. She is a successful Direct Sales Coach and also owns Affordable Mineral Makeup. You can learn more about Tara at http://www.TheDirectSalesCoach.com
http://www.TaraBurner.com
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Anita · Posted: September 13, 2007, 5:41 pm Post subject:

Excellent Article Tara!

When I built my first website, I had one just as you've described. Honestly, I really wish I had saved it for learning purposes. I remember finishing my first website being oh so proud. It was so cute. Yup, CUTE being the keyword here. I couldn't wait to run to all my favorite message boards so I could post the link and here from all my great friends how great it was. As expected, I received all the typical Oh, it looks fantastic! and Great Job and even the infamous Keep up the great work! Yay! Just what I WANTED to hear. Unfortunately, not what I NEEDED to hear (big difference there!)

Then LUCKILY I got a comment (and I so wish I could remember who gave it to me - to thank them). One of the comments was about everything I had done wrong. Which happened to be just about everything. I was crushed. I didn't want to do anything else with my website for days. I really took it to heart (and I thank God I did.)

After a few days I decided to go back and look at the comment again with an open mind. I figured hey, I'm by no means a professional here, maybe I can learn something. Then I read something there in the reply that I didn't notice the first time. She said, Look, you're either in business or your not. Hmm ... well now that really made me think. Umm ... of course I'm in business. AND more importantly, I want to make money.

So now days, I think about it this way ... it's either a business or it's a hobby. If it's all "cutsie-wutsie" then to me, it looks more like a hobby site. And if that's what your goal is, then so be it. But, don't come complaining to me because you're not making any sales (or enough sales) or complain to me that your advertising isn't working. Sorry to say it but, it's not the advertising that's the problem ... it's your site.

I'm very picky about who I out of the blue tell and don't. For example, if I just come across a site that's all "cute" and I don't know the person and they didn't ask for my opinion, then I probably won't share it. However, I may nudge them with an invite to the message boards in hopes that they will ask the question or maybe pick up a thing or two from other posts.

If it's someone I know and I feel as though I can do it constructively (yeah, there's that word again) then I might make a mention or two about something. That itself tends to nudge them here also where they pick up some tips.

There's been many people who will come here and ask for opinions on there website or ask how they can improve it. Then I'll go for it. However, I let them know my little "disclaimer" at the beginning of the post and let them know that these are simply my "thoughts" on how I would do it had it been my site and remind them that it is their site and they ultimately have the final decision. If you ask for my opinion, thoughts, advice etc ... then you're going to get it .. no hold barred.

It doesn't take me long to figure out who's serious about their business and who isn't. If they're not serious, then one of two things usually happen. I'll either get a bunch of excuses why it can't be done (hasn't their mother ever taught them that they can do anything?) OR I never hear back from the person. To me, they're not serious. I don't believe that anyone can't do anything. I'm a firm believer in that because I myself am self-taught. I've learned everything I know online. If I can learn how to do it, anyone can. And, I'll be very blunt here but, if you can't invest less than $6 a month into your business ... then you need to find a job. Trust me ... I KNOW what it's like to be tight with money and not to be able to afford things but less than $6 a month is a SMALL investment into your business that you should be able to do.

For those who are serious, they take everything I say and TRY. And they try hard. Of course, there's a few that don't do EVERYTHING I say and to me, I like to see that once in a while too. Like I tell everyone, it's their final decision. If it's something that they don't agree with, that's fine. To me, they're still trying and using their own head instead of mine.

Another kind of person that should be mentioned here is the kind that needs you to hold their hand every single step of the way. I don't mind helping people, as a matter of fact, I LOVE helping. However, for you to get my help, you HAVE to help yourself also. If you're building a page and you can't figure out how to get a certain code, ask. Heck, ask me how to get 10 codes. However, don't say (once you've already started) How do I build a web page. From here, in the beginning, I'll give them tips on where to start and how to find out the information. From here, YOU need to read. I'll tell you where to read it but you have to go read it. Does that make sense.

Wow! Didn't mean for my reply to get this big but, it's something I feel strongly about and I loved this article Tara! Thanks for sharing! I used to walk on egg shells when I wrote an article, wrote a blog or message board post or made replies. But, I'm starting to realize that the ones who take these kind of in your face - tell it like it is articles and such and do something about it are the ones I want to network with. The ones who get all defensive and nasty about it are the ones that aren't that serious anyhow so why waste my time. I'd much rather be with a productive person than a un-productive Wink

Thanks again - great topic!

Later!
Anita Razz

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P.S. You have to check this out:
COMPLETE Business For Sale - All Ready to Go!

taraburner · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 667 Location: Pembroke Pines, FL

Anita...
you wrote "Another kind of person that should be mentioned here is the kind that needs you to hold their hand every single step of the way. "

do NOT get me started on that one!!!
LOL

I could write a BOOK just on that alone!!!!

Tara
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http://www.AffordableMineralMakeup.com
http://www.TaraBurner.com
http://www.BeAFitnessCoach.com
http://www.GetInShapeAndMakeMoney.com
http://www.GreenWAHMs.com

Anita · Posted: September 13, 2007, 6:34 pm Post subject: