What is the Deal with "Playdates" ???

pattygale · Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 698 Location: Colorado Springs

Maybe I'm showing my age here, but you know.. when I was a kid, we just went outside and played. We didn't need scheduled "playdates" to ride bikes or play with our friends.

We played with whoever was around in the neighborhood or whoever happened to be outside.

These days, parents make a scheduled appt. for their kid to play with another kid and other kids aren't permitted to "participate"? I know, this isn't something new and for people who live in remote areas, yes I can see that. I know in some places, kids can't always ride their bikes over to a friends house.

What I'm talking about is this, though. There is a little boy who lives next door and a little girl who live directly behind us... both are only one year younger than Emily and they all play together quite nicely... for the most part. Kids will be kids from time to time.

Today, however, Jude has a friend over from his old neighborhood and Syndey has a friend over from her school.

Emily (my daughter) goes to ring the doorbell at Jude's and he says "Oh, I'm sorry I can't play because I have a friend over." She goes over to Sydney's and rings the bell and the dad says "Oh, no she can't come out to play because she has a friend over"

Meanwile, it's like 73 degrees outside, not a cloud in the sky. What in the heck are these kids doing in the house?

Anyway, no more than 20 minutes later, Jude and his friend... and Sydney and her friend are in their respective yards playing outside and my daughter is watching from our yeard like the outsider.

When we have some of Emily's school friends over, the first thing we do when we see one of the neighborhood kids playing is we go outside and introduce Emily's school friends to her neighborhoods friends and they all just play.

I really don't understand this. The kids are all outside, why are they being made to feel like they have to entertain when they should just be allowed to be kids and just play.

vent over...
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taraburner · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 652 Location: Pembroke Pines, FL

speakin from the 'tween aspect of this
I had numerous friends of DD's here and then they all started getting catty with the others and some of them don't get along w/the others in the crowd and it makes for a tense situation.
I'm talking 11, 12, 13 yr old girls.
The other day we had one girl over and the girl across street came over, I sent girl across street home because few days prior she was acting up w/the other girl who was already here.
Now granted these are tweens and girls and moody but regardless sometimes it's best not to have crowds over.
As far as letting kids just go out and play, that's unheard of in areas like mine...nobody in south florida (or nobody who's responsible) lets their kids just go out (too many whacko's around and yes even in good areas) so unless the parent goes out w/the kids, the kids don't go out.
Tara
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pattygale · Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 698 Location: Colorado Springs

I can understand that, Tara... in my situation, though, these kids are 6 and 7, so cattiness isn't even an issue.

The parents are home during the day, I can watch Emily ride her bike up and down the street right from my office and and she has her boundries... If I can't see her, she doesn't go. All of us have a birds-eye view to all 3 of our yards.
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taraburner · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 652 Location: Pembroke Pines, FL

BusyMomma · Posted: August 13, 2008, 8:15 am Post subject:

I can't help you with this one at all. I have multiple kids at my house playing all day long all year long.

I love to be the house everyone goes to. There is only one kid that is not allowed to play at our house anymore. Otherwise if you are playing in the front yard then it's with whoever is around.

I've taught the kids if they want to just play with the friend they have over, that is fine, but they have to be in the backyard playing if they aren't going to play with others.
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pattygale · Joined: 13 Sep 2004 Posts: 698 Location: Colorado Springs

Multiple kids 'issues' is definitely not an issue in this neighborhood. These kids nearly always play all together from one house to the next.

It's not unusual at all to have 7 or 8 kids in any of the backyards at one time. I guess I'll have to chalk it up to an unusual situation yesterday, which is why it struck me so odd that Jude and his friend and Sydney and her friend stayed to themselves.

I think in our entire subdivision of 100+ houses, there are only 3 or 4 houses without kids.

Like you, Val, I don't mind being the house that all the kids come to because then I know where they are.
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homemaker · Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 884 Location: North Carolina

I was laughing reading these posts , but that is because I thought the kids in our neighborhood were the only ones who do such things!!! lol
We live on a military base so there are many times that us/neighbors will have relatives visit , and then it is the adults that do not want their kids to play , but these poor kids will be screaming and crying to come out! Any of our families that visit LOVE going outside with the kids , and watching them play with their friends. Our neighborhood is also known for more that just a few bullies , and you really do get tired of one of your kids friends not being Rolling Eyes

able to play with the other for whatever reason! My yard is usually full of kids , but of course everytime my kids go to someone's door looking for a friend they send them immediatly down to my house.I guess I have just gotten used to it! lol! Maybe the rule of "playdates" only exists if it is at someone else's house! haha! Very Happy

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Anita · Posted: August 19, 2008, 11:57 pm Post subject:

Well, I can happily say that "scheduled playdates" are not something we deal with in this area. Now don't get me wrong, we live in the middle of nowhere so there is the occassional "playdate scheduled" if that's what you want to call it. We call it, give me a call some day you're not doing anything so Melanie or Cole can come over and play. Simply because they have to be driven there ... know what I mean?

Other than that ...
There's a handful of children in the area (thank God!) and they all pretty much get along for the most part but like you said Patty, kids will be kids. I am thankful though, for the most part I don't have to worry about the "kids being kids" in that aspect. They really all do get along very well.

If my kids see a bunch of kids over at the house across the "street" (and I use that term lightly because like I said, we live in the middle of nowhere and that "street" is more like the dead end road we live on, rofl!) ... anyway, if they see a bunch of kids over there and they want to go ... they just go. I've never ever once heard my kids show that they weren't able to be somewhere.

As a matter of fact, the girl that lives across the "street" is much older than my children. Well, not really - she's 14 - almost 15 and my daughter just turned 12. She loves playing with my little guy - almost 8. She's more of a "mother hen" with him. With my daughter ... well, Melanie is starting to be interested in the same types of things she is ... and they have a bit of a good friendship forming but still my daughter occassionally hangs on the more "younger things" if that makes sense. So Melanie and Kelsea get along well on many levels.

Other than that ... there is only one family of 4 that is a wee bit out of walking distance. This summer was the first time we allowed Melanie to walk there. We've never had a problem driving back and forth and the mom takes turns with us very well. But, Melanie thinks it's really cool just to be able to walk it - knowing she's now old enough to do so. Driving time is maybe 2 minutes if that but the walking part I'm not super-thrilled with. It is again, in the middle of nowhere but it's a long "easy to drive road" that many people go pretty fast on. Good thing is ... the whole way through ... she can walk in the yards so she doesn't even have to be on the road except to cross to their street. (Again, that "street" is the dead end road they live on, lol!)

Anyway .. I started getting a bit off topic here. We're very lucky that all the neighborhood children get along very well AND the parents do too. LOL! Unfortunately, in this day and age, it's the parents you have to worry about more than the kids! We don't have to schedule playdates and they all play together no matter who is at someone's home. Melanie has quite a few friends who live outside this area and have come over. They've all always played well with the neighbors too. Luckily, we haven't had the "catty" issue and I say luckily because I know the catty issues happen at school on a regular basis. Luckily they haven't brought it here ...

Our house too seems to be the local hangout and we too *love* that aspect. I pray that this continues well into their teens and then some. Like someone else said, I like the fact that we know where they are and what they're doing.

Another plus is my kids are more content with other's here. When noone else is here, I hear the "mom, we're bored" or "mom, there's nothing to do". Nevermind the fact that they both have 4-wheelers and a very large back yard, bikes they can ride on the great dead end road we live on, a scooter, a "battery operated motorcycle" and a swimming pool. That's not to even mention the over-flowing toy boxes, Playstations (yes, plural!) and computers! HOW can you be bored?!?

But when they have friends over, they're not so "bored" constantly. I do admit there were a couple days though I finally said, uh, hey guys - don't you think it's "my turn" here. I think it's my turn for you all to go to someone else's house, lol!

And didn't one mom call me up on one of those days and said, hey, why don't Melanie and Cole come up here for the day? LOL! She even said ... they've been at your house so many times, it's time I take "my turn" and bring your kids here for a while! (Yeah, she's really great. She definitely tries to keep things "fair" and is more than willing to have my kids come there plus takes her turns in driving back and forth.)

I do feel bad for those of you that can't just let your kids go outside without having to see them every second! I definitely blessed for the area we live in. There's definitely certain benefits of living in the middle of nowhere!

Phew ... I sure rambled my way through that one! It's kind of funny to hear all the differences in the way parents and children are from different areas!

Take care,
Anita Razz

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PureRomanceByKristin · Joined: 22 Aug 2008 Posts: 42 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio

I participate in play dates...
I think you're right about how weird it is to schedule playtime, so that's why you have to do play dates in moderation.
I take my son out all the time by myself, but I also schedule play dates as well, that way he can see his peers when they're available and we can go out and do something fun.
It also gives me a good excuse to see my Mommy friends. Smile

Anita · Posted: August 27, 2008, 12:48 am Post subject:

RachaelAtHome · Joined: 08 Sep 2008 Posts: 25 Location: NJ

hehe...I had to laugh reading this one....I feel the same way....when someone says "Let's schedule a playdate".......I'm thinking...hmmm...weird....just get the kids together & let them play.....my kids are too little to "date" yet!

Rachael

Anita · Posted: September 8, 2008, 7:28 pm Post subject: